Stories End

Quiet games spill though screaming minds,
Tears burn along unblemished skin,
Fighting through the untamed lies,
As the story comes to an emotional end.

broken door

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Hands bleed with the beat of a broken heart,
Breathing decreases with the darkness,
The flame in loving eyes slowly depart,
Each cut helps with becoming heartless.

A voiced reminder of chills along warm skin,
Weakness seeps into veins like a drug,
A craving to be touched once again,
The emotional need for a loving hug.

Drowning in all that once could be,
The knowledge of high expectations,
Nothing to change the unseen,
Ruining all possible healthy relations.

The door closes with a slam,
Unable to change the inevitable end,
Torn and broken by the dammed,
Starting over is the way to mend.

Circle

More than anything we want to connect. We want to feel we are not alone in this world, that there are others that might feel the same, experience the same, that truly can understand us.

We hope that beyond the confusion of the every day we do matter. The truth is each one of us matter.

With or without that connection we are all linked. The moment someone enters into another’s existence it becomes altered. We become a character in a story that lasts a lifetime.

Each decision we make, the power we carry with us from moment to moment is our bond to everything. Through all the heartache and pain, through the search for another, beyond each path chosen, we are a part of everything we are connected.

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I wanna live, I wanna be the change

There are time in which writing is almost a need for me. I am unable to control what comes from within, it’s as if it must pour out of me before I sink beneath the darkness that continues to visit me too often.

This darkness continually overtakes me more often than I would like to admit. It reminds me of all the mistakes that I’ve made or have still yet to make, the things that I cannot be, the people that I hurt. It whispers of my unworthiness and there are times that the fight gets tiring.

I continue to combat the darkness with the light. Seeking out those that love me for who I am. That laugh with me, encourage me, and help build me back into the bubbly person that I once was.

I will be trying to push myself to write more, to get the ugly out so that there is more room for the light.

No Return

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With people surrounding me I still feel alone,
A support guiding me with intentions unknown.

Eyes full of tears as the pain seeps into bones,
The love that I feel makes me wish I were stone.

Emptiness crowds the once warm space,
With a beautiful shatter my heart breaks.

A sentence of life when loves not returned,
A continious passion which forever burns.

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Growth

The spirit waivers as questions build behind eyes full of pain. There is a loneliness growing with each passing day, a weariness from the constant echoes in the dark corners of the mind. A remembered story of why nothing is ever enough.

Confusion covers the reality of  what truly is. A story of why you’re not good enough, why I’m not right. A memory of why this cannot work out, why we are no longer capable of being anything other than what is. A torturous reminder that being held down is our natural state.

A fear of fighting to escape the past, a struggle to move beyond destruction. A quest that must be taken alone. This journey is one of growth, one full of hardships that will inevitably build us beyond what we believed we were capable of. We may not grow as one, but we will grow and we will survive.

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Mind Games

Along a broken path winding down a forgotten road, there is light. There is a tortured beauty discovering the opposite of darkness. The scars she bears do not define her, but have forced her to reach the very place in which she resides.

She cannot escape what once was, the pain that plagues her will forever be a part of her existence, but the impact of that pain has helped in molding her. She cannot help but see through the games. The twisting of words to benefit his own insecurities by pushing her down.

The darkness was all that she understood, all that she knew. To survive she had to learn to play the game. A game that she fears she will not be able to let go now that the light is in front of her. She questions if she will be another’s poison… if she will be the reason someone else enters into the darkness struggling to escape.

There is a desire to avoid all contact with others, almost a need to escape the possibility of destroying anyone else. Years of manipulation has brought her to the point of confusion. To a place where light and dark meet, to where they twist and turn making a beautiful tornado with shades of grey.

She no longer fears her past, she does not wish to return. She is still struggling to escape the pull of comfort though, waiting within the unseen. For as much as the darkness hurt, the light is blinding, terrifying, and unknown. Sometimes the unknown can be more frightening.

However, despite all of that she has already made her choice. She has already seen the light and it isn’t something she’s willing to let go. She must more forward, doing her best to fix her flaws along the way. She will free herself and she will become what she was always meant to be…

Breaking Heart

Pushed into darkness, convinced to drink lies.
Show how it should be, increasing silent cries.

The mind is weak, breaking under pressure,
A loving kindness with a destructive gesture.

Eyes pierce a broken soul, pasting pieces into place,
Warm wrapped arms create a comforting embrace.

Whispers stolen from lips with love,
The perfect ending to a killing drug.

Ties

The night seeps into veins through seductive measures,
Knowing the likelihood of the uncommon pleasures.

A kiss teased with sweet sensations of love melting the soul,
A memory building to make emotional distractions whole.

Touch slides along warm skin as energy builds in the dark,
A simple look encourages the once unbearable spark.

Ropes fall and walls collapse allowing entry into the unknown,
A tempting treasure of discovery through pleasurable moans.

Beyond the physical, emotions start to bind,
A knotted awareness begins to settles in the mind.

Desired moments pass before hungry eyes,
Tearing apart remaining barriers with a simple goodbye.

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Broken Strength

The days pass by endlessly dragging broken pieces of the person I once was.

I am broken, as we all are, but my wounds have yet to heal. I reach for a hug to find myself alone. I sit on the edge of my bed knowing that I’ve put myself in this place. This has been my decision, a decision made out of logic, not anger or hurt. The pieces fell into place and I knew I needed to make this change, but I’m still hurt.

I feel as if my heart will never stop bleeding, especially as my boys tell me their own perspectives and feelings. There are moments when I worry that I’m being too selfish, but I know giving up who I am will not help them grow into the healthy adults I want to see them as.

I want them to strive for something more, something better. I want them to love and be loved, admired, respected, and accepted. I want happiness to be more easily attainable for them.

There’s so much I wish for when it comes to my boys and then I realize it shouldn’t be just for them. These ideas, hopes, and dream should be for myself as well… these are things my parents probably hoped for me and here I am.

A mess of a girl with a broken heart… a heart that spent too long begging to be seen and accepted, wanting to be loved not for the possible future person I can be, but for who I am right now. I deserve everything I wish for my children.

So here I am… tears falling like rain, alone, trying to make sense of the choices I’ve made. Working to mend my broken pieces so that I can love and accept who I am once again because the best way to teach my boys is by example.

Until next time.

Beautiful Fear

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Feeling more beautiful, feeling more me,
Yet still uncertain of where I should be.

A test of my strength every single day,
I don’t want to lose what I’ve come to crave.

Building me up, beyond my dreams,
Showing me all that I can truly be.

Never before was there belief in myself,
Something about you leaves me overwhelmed.

Lost in this limbo, a confusing state,
A troubled past full of mistakes.

So worried to fall down the same path as before,
Reaching out to the broken door.

Knowing the outcome of a broken will,
Forever I remain at a stand still.